God only gives special needs kids to special parents....only probably not

Thursday, June 2, 2016

This is NOT a what not to say post.  Truth be told, I kind of loath those.  But I pray this opens the dialogue and makes us all look at our words and consider what they might mean to someone else.  Myself included.  

"You're a saint," or "It takes a saint to parent a child with special needs...." 

Phrases parents of kiddos like mine hear often.  Along with the ever so popular....

"God only gives special kids to special people."  

Chances are, if you are one of these parents, you have heard these statements a time or two. 

But what exactly are you telling parents of kids with special needs when we call them saints for parenting their own children?!

When you tell them that God only gives special kids to special people?!

For the majority of you, I hope and pray, you don't see the child with special needs as less than you or your own child.  You simply see someone doing a hard job good and you want to give them a pat on the back.  Or you see a parent struggling with their special needs child and you want to give them a pick me up.

And that's ok. 

But I think there is cause for concern when we as a society elevate special needs parents AND subsequently devalue the child.  I mean have you seen the number of disabled kids in foster care OR do you know the abortion rate of babies with down syndrome?  Were those babies not special enough?

Trust me when I say, you're giving me way too much credit.  
I have had the incredible honor to watch my child die only to be given back.  I have had the extreme pleasure in watching her grow, in watching her reach inchstones and milestones we were told we wouldn't see.

It has been hard.  Challenging.  Frustrating.  It almost cost my sanity and my marriage.  There have been more than my fair share of days when I wanted to throw in the towel 

But there have been far more days full of joy.

My child is the real hero in all of this.  Not me.

I don't parent Alli out of the goodness of my heart.  I don't parent her out of pity or any other sort of obligation other than the very fact that SHE is my child and I am her mother.  I love my kid and she requires special care so I give it to her.  Period.

Can it be tough?  Absolutely, but she is not a burden.  

Hear that again...


The worst thing in life is not being disabled or parenting a child with disability.  The worst thing in life is the mentality that kids with special needs are less than or unlovable.  

Because that's what you are ultimately saying when you say God only gives special kids to special parents.

 Please know this, we all have some sort of special needs.  I could rattle off a list of my very own, my husband's, and my typically developing big girls.  If you don't know this about yourself OR your child by now, well then, you've now been told.  You're welcome.  

You.  Me.  At the end of every day we're really no different than her.   

She just might need a little extra parenting.  


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