Wednesday, October 28, 2015

It's been a long time.

A really, really long time.

Where I truly shared my heart.  Shared our trials and triumphs.  Our good, bad, & ugly.  

It has been a really long time since I was this scared.

And it's probably because...

The kindergarten talk has begun.

Yesterday while getting ready I knew it was coming.

It's time to revise Alli's IEP and then begin the preparations or talk regarding kindergarten.

Kindergarten, people.  

I seriously have the biggest lump in my throat, a pit in my stomach, and tears welling up in my eyes.  I want to vomit. 

I can't let go.  I can't wrap my head around what this is going to look like.  How I can trust someone?!  How I can send her off 7 hours a day 5 days a week?!  How do I send her with people I don't know?!  

Who don't know her.  

Who don't know how to read her and her needs.

It just doesn't make sense.  

We were supposed to be further down the road than this.  God was healing her. 

How do I send this precious baby girl of ours out into the real world and to kindergarten?

How do you let go of a child who can't speak....

Who can't tell me the good, the bad, the ugly from her day.

Who still relies on a feeding tube for nourishment...

Who can't defend herself.  

I just don't understand.

And then I look in the mirror and I see these words written across the middle of my mirror.  #52versesin52weeks

And this was right on time.

 And I am reminded that I don't have to understand.  

That I don't have to make sense of any of this.  I am reminded that I have a God that has already gone before us and He knows.  He alone will guide us.  He alone will give us the wisdom and discernment.  He alone will put every.single.person who needs to be in place, in place.

Because that's what He does.  

All I have to do is trust.  With my whole heart.


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