As is

Saturday, August 8, 2015

A few years ago, shortly before Alli started walking I remember vividly hearing God say, 

"If she never walks will you still love me?"

I fell to my knees in my closet, sobbing, "Of course I will God."

What a question.  I admit my heart and flesh have screamed in bitterness on more than one occasion.  This journey is hard.  It's long.  The path is winding.  And there is no roadmap.  

But I can't be bitter.  

Just look what He has done for us.  Look what He has given us.  Look what He has allowed us to witness and have a front row seat to.  Look how He has carried us.  

While I have not heard Him speaking those words to me again, I have been heavily reminded of them this week during Alli's stem cell treatment.  For so long  I have walked a line. 

A line of belief in is His promise of completion and restoration.  

A line of who am I to judge what His completion looks like?

And a line of people believing that I don't accept my daughter as is.  That my love and acceptance of her is solely based on God's completion of her (yes, I've been called out for this before). 


The struggle is real.

Y'all.  We know we are in such a good place compared to where we could have been.  But at the same time, I know God sent a promise of completion over Alli's life here on earth.   

But when Jesus heard it, he answered him, saying, Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole.
Luke 8:50

Made whole.  

I'm reminded that every.single.milestone for Alli has been spontaneous. I don't believe that's an accident.  And I certainly don't believe it's crazy to think that her completion is coming.  

But if it doesn't, my faith is unscathed.   

And if His view of completion is different than mine, well, I love this kid. 

As is.  

Stem cells are in!  72 million of her very own cells. 

Cognition, chewing, eating, swallowing, drinking, communication, speaking....completion is what we're believing Jesus for. 


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