We finally have a walker....at 34 months!!!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

To be honest, this coming out of left field has GOT to be the best Christmas present.  Ever.  I mean besides the baby Jesus of course.  Beyond exciting.  And miraculous. 

And we're still beyond giddy over here....if you couldn't tell.   

Just Monday, Alli's PT said, (in her best flabbergasted voice), "I, ummm, we don't, ummmm, even have independent walking as one of her goals.  I guess we will need to readdress those goals." 

Ya think!?? 

Do you remember where we were just 2 months ago??  Read this if you need a refresher. 

Based on The Gross Motor Function Classification System for Cerebral Palsy.  The test is based on self-initiated movement, with emphasis on sitting, transfers, and mobility.  Based on the test, which again it's just a test, I'm not holding anyone's foot to the fire, Alli will walk independently between her 4th and 6th birthday.  It's NOT a promise, but it's so encouraging.  She will probably never be able to run, but heck...with those lungs, we didn't expect her to be a marathon runner anyway.  Singer?  Yes.  Athlete?  No. 

4th to 6th Birthday, y'all. 

Someone care to remind Alli she doesn't turn 3 until January??! 

God gives us so much more than our expectations can even imagine.  Not only is she walking independently, the child is almost running.  When you are almost 3, and have crazy floppy legs, and horribly spastic heel cords, this is such a huge deal. 

For real, y'all.  Here's the wrap up. 

Last Wednesday Alli and I went in for the Seating and Wheelchair Clinic.  I'm not ashamed to admit it took a whole lot of prayers and tears to get to the point of acceptance that my child would be in a wheelchair.  Even though every inch of my being didn't believe it would be a permanent fixture for her life, there still was a sense of mourning that wrecked me for a few weeks. 

And just when I was over it.  It crept back up again.  I don't for a single second mourn who Alli is.  I mourn the "could have beens" for her and I mourn "what she has to go through"  and that "it's not easy for her."  Believe me when I say, I know there are worse things to worry about.  We've lived them.  I can put my big girl panties on and deal with my own feelings.  Yes, I do share them because so many people need to see real.  But ultimately, at the end of the day, it's not about John or myself.  We worry for her.  For her future.  For her day to day. 

Will she require lifelong care?

Who will take care of her if something happens to us?

Questions typical parents typically don't have to wonder about. 

Parenting a special needs child is a constant dance between pure joy and mourning.  Last Wednesday was probably one of the worst days John and I have had in a long time.  I'm pretty sure I ate chocolate and cried all afternoon.  I got mad at God and you know what....He's ok with my insecurities.  Because He knows, that I know, that at the end of everything...

He is enough.

We believe, that one way or another, God will heal our girl.   

But we also know that in this one life we've been given, we're going to be disappointed.  Sometimes the prayers and the healings don't look like we wanted them to.  And it can make you crumble from pain.         

But there is the most incredible joy in the midst of darkness if we know that He is enough. 

And to be honest, there wouldn't have been a last Thursday or Friday without Him.  You wouldn't read these words.  You wouldn't know these feelings.  Because quite frankly, I'd probably be sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth.  I'd already lost all my marbles had He not been carrying us through. 

Many of you have seen the 4 steps our girl has been taking.  It's seriously amazing considering her ugly ugly MRI.  And the fact that the child has never stood alone longer than 5 seconds.  Geez Louise! 

But last Friday, November 15th, 2013, at exactly 1:45 pm something happened.  I've told everyone it was like God whispered, "Get up and walk." 

Because that's exactly what she did. 

I think it's important to note that Alli can NOT stand up.  She has to pull herself up on something (well, at least she did).  Never, and I mean never has she just completely stood up in the middle of the floor.  Out of nowhere, she stood up and walked through the living room.  Kind of shocked I watched her walk down the back hallway and then come back through the kitchen.  Completely unsupported and unassisted.  Like she had been doing it for 2 years. 

And so it begins.  There is so much freedom.  There is such a release.  There is such a comfort knowing at least she can walk.  At least she has her independence.

If nothing else comes, if she never eats independently, if she remains non-verbal, if she always remains cognitively impaired....

She has her independence.  She can walk. 

Allow this Mama to say that one more time. 

She can walk.

There is a huge sense of normalcy with this milestone. 


And we couldn't be more fired up for her freedom. 

Thank you, Jesus.  After 34 long months, many questions, many prayers, many tears, and a whole lot of work....

We have a walker. 

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