Intentions

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

It was certainly bound to happen.  We've been predominantly locked up in this house for 20 months.  Our only contact with the outside world has been with our immediate families, our church family, our friends, our big girls' schools and activities.  When we were able to venture out, it was with those who know us, know our story, know our daughter's journey.  Or it was at a hospital or a specialists clinic, with other children battling chronic illness.  No questions ever asked.  Nothing ever needed to be explained.  She's Alli, plain and simple.  Medical marvel, miracle, our girl, daughter of the most high.   

Many of you have physically walked this journey with us from day 1....holding our hands, bathing us in prayer, just simply being there.    And so many others, have been there online....Praying and cheering our girl and our family on every step of the way.  Thank you is never enough. 

What we need you to understand....

What we want you to know...

Is that we don't need your pity. 

We don't need your I'm sorry. 

We need your prayers. 

And we need your understanding. 

Today, while at Chic-fil-a with Ava and Alli I caught a women staring back and forth between  my two beautiful girls.  Ava was running around the playground sassy as ever screaming, "This is the best day ever."  I was loving my two hours of normalcy.  Being out in public with my girls.  Something we've longed for for so long.  Alli was sitting in her stroller, talking to her pacy like she does....throwing out her best vowel sounds....."eeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaaaa-eeeeeeeeeee."  It was good.  Life was good.  Life was normal.

And then I heard it...

(you'll have to excuse the transparency)

The most redneck condescending voice leaned over and said, "they twins?"

"No Ma'am.  They are 18 months apart." 

"What's wrong with her?" Nodding her head towards Alli

"Not a thing." 

I struggled to help Ava with her shoes.  Couldn't get those things on fast enough.  I was biting the corner of my mouth as hard as I could. 

I knew it was coming.  I had prepared my heart.  But I wasn't prepared for the sting. 

How could she?  How could she be so insensitive.  Way to ruin the moment lady!  I reminded myself that this was just the first time.  The first of a million occurrences to probably come as Alli is introduced more and more to this cruel world.  PLEASE hear me when I say, It wasn't the words she used, but the intent in those words. 

That's what I want you to get. 

The intent with your words.

My heart sank when I realized that she didn't know.  She didn't know all the gory details of the past 27 months.  She couldn't see the battle scars.  She couldn't see that this child has fought for every breath.  She's fought for every single day here on this earth.  She's fought for every milestone. 

All she could see was what Alli was not.  And she chose her words and tone to try to prove to me what my daughter was.  As if by doing so made her a better person.   

I could have told her a really great story.  I could have hashed out the tumultuous last 7 weeks of my pregnancy.  I could have shared that she was born weighing less than a pound.  She would have found out that Alli spent the first 9 weeks of life on life support, spent 7 months in the hospital, that she wasn't supposed to even be here let alone breathe on her own.  She might have even cried or apologized.  I could have maybe taught this lady a life lesson that she so desperately needs. 

But she missed it because of the intentions of her words. 

I can agree that some people probably don't mean anything by their statements.  I've had people walk up to us in the hospital and want to pray for us.  I can see the difference between those who care and those who want to cut.  There are far too many who pass judgment and make condescending remarks towards people who may be slightly different.  Who may be slightly more exceptional. 

I've been on the other side.  I once was one of them. 

So friends, if you get anything out of this, please watch the intent with your words.  Watch your tone. 

Don't miss a dang good story like the lady did today. 

All my love~



2 comments

  1. Shaking my head. Shaking my head. Hugs. Still Shaking my head.

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  2. You have been on my heart since I read your post on facebook earlier today regarding this event. Just remember that for every ignorant person, there is one of us (a preemie Mama) to offer a kind, empathetic word, or simply a smile that lets people know that they are not alone.
    I have to tell you that the first time I met Alli and was able to hold her at Maya & Brody's party, my eyes filled with tears. I knew I was holding a child who had been held so closely to God. Anyone whose intentions are not good and miss out on hearing about Alli and your family's journey, really miss out. None of us chose to be on this journey with our child, but I bet none of us would change it either.

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