Severe Cases

Friday, February 1, 2013

There are certain moments where you feel dreams crashing.  And it's not a dream that most people can even remotely understand.  My dream is for our sweet girl to sit at a table with her family.... 

And eat. 

Eating and enjoying food, sitting around a dinner table with great conversation, food, family, and friends is an integral part of who we are in this country. 

I want nothing more than for Alli to participate in this common interaction.  Days like today it feels like we'll never get there.

Not necessarily the news I wanted to hear today, "Alli is probably one of the most severe cases I've ever taken,"  but then again, nothing with her is ever simple.  It was one of those appointments where the lump in your throat just won't go away.  I'm more than encouraged with our new speech/feeding therapist. 

As in, I Love Her.
I want her to be my new best friend. 
She's amazing. 
I can't say enough great things about her. 

But as much as I loved her and think we're on a great path, I wasn't prepared to be a severe case again.  And even worse, I wasn't prepared to hear that Alli is truly not in a place that an intensive feeding therapy program, my hearts desire for her, would be productive or beneficial at this time.   

In so many ways I feel like we're taking gigantic steps backwards.  

ginormous.

huge.steps.backwards.   

I still have a phone intake with a developmental psychologist who specializes in intensive tube weaning.  But, my head and heart already know.  Our new therapist was just my confirmation.  Although we just met, it's still early, and it was only an initial evaluation, I wholeheartedly believe her.  

It's something my mind has told me every.single.time. we attempt to feed her. 

I'm swallowing it for now, but I can't accept it. 

She may be a severe case.  One of the most severe any of her therapists see. 

But my dreams the same. 

It has to be. 

It's just a different road. 






Jackie




1 comment

  1. I'm sorry, Jackie, those are not fun conversations to have out loud or in your mind. Keeping the faith with you...one day we're going to set Alli and Owen up on a dinner date, I just know it.

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